🍃Sunday Speaks 16/3/25
🍃Sunday Speaks
16/3/25
Check in with me. How's you?
Where are you at? How was your week and what are you looking forward to? How's you floating 🪼
It's a stunning day here on Gubby Gubby country. The air is cool and fresh and clean and clear! It's like the perfect weather! And currently Full Moon
Ohh boy my nervous system is fried! Alfred brought up some mild feels from our home being fully flooded in 2011, that sorta just ran in the background for a few days while watching the flood coverage. And one day mid week I woke up at 4am with the worst general anxiety, mostly in my body, as opposed to just mental.
Soooo today we woke up at 5am to the smoke alarms going off. It cherped about 5 or 6 times then stopped. Just enough to wake everyone, and scare the shit out of the furbies.
No threats detected, so some attempted to go back to sleep, three of us are shaken. I go into full autistic hypervigilant drama lama mode like what if there was a fire? Not erratic outward, just within myself. We'd be so fucked. We still have unpacked boxes sitting in the living area. I still have boxes of different things from big family life I've struggled to disperse since downsizing in our move up to Moreton bay region from the Gold Coast a year ago. And on top of all that, there's all the DBP office stuff and stock (I no longer have an office). It's like fuk, will I ever get anywhere!
Then the fucking thing goes off again. 5-6 chirps and stops. 10 min later again. And again. 🫨😵💫 We slowly caught on that perhaps one of the batteries is on its way out, figured out which alarm was going off first, and removed that battery.
Fun fact: when your smoke alarms go off, the alarm/s that triggered the alarm will flash red.
(Forfuks sake, my nervous system is so shot that now just writing this out, our previous landlord/real-estate stalking us on fb is on my shoulder, and I feel the need to be protective with how I write, throw out a disclaimer making a point to state that we will replace the battery later today. Baahh fuk them and they had the audacity to vilify us, to turn around and play victim! Their words “..no one deserves to be spoken to in the manner you have addressed me.”, when I pointed out their willful ignorance, incompetence, and conflicting information. Disclaimer in a disclaimer, we got our bond back in full!! We did nothing wrong, I was very assertive, my critism was valid, I was not out of line in calling them out on their attempt to intimidate us, their lies, and their claim bond).
Soooo moving forward, I'ma use this manic energy to get some of these boxes dealt with. Through a Permaculture lense this is an example of ‘The Problem is the Solution’, a principle created by Bill Mollison. ( More information here https://www.permaculturefundamentals.com/ )
This does take me away from working in the Cubby house today like I'd planned. All the totems are still laying down because I need to bring the tables back out and reconfigure the pavers. It sux as the yard being in its current state is one of the things adding to my anxiety. Again from a renters point of housing insecurity and the impression from most property managers, 'having things in yard / not bare yard of perfectly mowed grass = 'bad tenants'.
Heaven forbid we actually use the yard and 'live' at a rental property, as apposed to good little 'sleeper suburb' people.(Sleeper Suburb = places where people lives are a culture of pretty much just sleeping at the dewlling. People who work elsewhere, go elsewhere for entertainment after work, go elsewhere on weekends, and vacation elsewhere at every opportunity. Not really people of place).
Rant over back to today and I spose were doing this now, inside sorting tubs and doom piles from over a year ago, and you know it's one of those jobs that when I start, I'll pull things out, have shit everywhere, run out of steam, become overwhelmed, procrastinate, dissociate, and just jam it all back in the tub at the 11th hour.
Looking forward? Hmm maybe to having the ability to regularly take stock of what I have done/achieved and stop giving myself such a hard time. Also looking forward to cooler weather!! Wearing layers!
With ‘looking forward', I find it a practice in positivity and cultivating hope. We can break in down and focus on a series of points successively
🍃immediate doable actions
Even if we aren't doing these actions immediately, it's putting the intention out there that we can activate when ready. It's as good as done.
🍃bigger actions
That are a thing in itself made up of other actions being completed and all the things coming together……haha and look at that, I've just run out of brain juice, words not wording, the dumb is creaping in, finishing each sentence is now a struggle, dyslexic flare up. Time to get up and move my body, focus on physical.
🍃emotive
🍃Meta/global
I'll come back to this, do it as a separate post. If you see any content around cultivating hope tag me. I'm sure I've a TEDx in my bookmarks.
* I know Spotify bad but picking battles. thyself. In my ears today. This isnt the best playlist but keeping me moving
